Thoughts on COVID-19

Interesting times have now come upon us. Priscila's Thoughts...

Here are some "revelations" I received in my meditation of noticing what is going on around me as a mental health counselor and a Christian. I am finding that people are beginning to look within. An article by the New York Times, author Penelope Green, also agreed with what I was noticing in her article "You Show Me Your Decor, I Show You Mine": states, "When citizens were urged into self isolation or quarantine 100 years ago, they had but books and letters to comfort them. Now, we peer through the tiny eyes of our smartphones and laptops, and the world peers back. We have become voyeurs..." We are not only getting permission to look within ourselves but at others too, into narrow spaces. This brings me to note how people are changing and evolving through difficult times.

1. I know this will be a time of "restructuring". The class systems will not stay as they are right now. I remember what the Bible says: "for we battle not against flesh and blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world..." Ephesians 6:12. And Isaiah 43:19 "See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not preceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in a wasteland." I am convinced this is a time of rebuilding into something completely transformed. It's not that we wont' recognize it, it's that we are going to experience things (people, situations) differently and in new ways.

2. I am certain this will point people into a direction of purpose. "Pointing to purpose" is the phrase that rings in my intuitive self. A positive thing that will come out of this is we are going to be "redirected" to a purpose that fits us best, for those of us who do not feel we are living to our "utmost capacity". For those of us who are living it, will be rewarded internally; with that contentment that we chose the right thing. It is not the "better path" but rather the one that fits us best, which is all that matters.

3. The power of an intuitive self. The waning crescent moon is a time to tap into oneself and reflect. There's more information there than we think. We are aware of so much than we lead ourselves to believe. Here's how I have tapped into my own without even knowing it. In a journal entry for February 27th, 2020, where I first learned about the CoronaVirus only that week, I wrote: "I was filled with tears when I found myself thinking of the Coronavirus spreading. 'Where is this coming from?' I asked myself. I paused and searched within. This is because for the first time I feel unsafe. I feel I can lose a loved one, in a real way or be separated from them for long periods of time; this isn't the life I want!" I cried and I cried out. Then, I gathered myself and I knew I had to move forward.

The way I see the future is a bright one, but with many challenges ahead. We will pull through and we will triumph, but with very real and possible losses along the way. 

New business idea

It's coming! The idea behind a concept I have been passionate about for quite some time. I always knew I didn't want to work out of an office, and as time passed, I couldn't take it anymore. I had to quit my office job in an agency and start doing in-home therapy. At least that was one step away from the office. Don't misunderstand: I think therapy in an office is productive. I did it for years. I am excited now to present "TheraRec", which is in the works to begin soon. I did not know how to combine mental health and recreation for people looking for talk therapy, but as 2018 began, ideas started to come together, and I began to create steps and treatment plans. I knew there was more to the idea than alleviating depression and anxiety through activity. I started to learn that activity can create space for observing how we respond to our environment as we interact in it, and for finding solutions. I saw it more this winter as I taught ski lessons. A couple, who were both in their second marriage, took a first time ski lesson together. A lot of dynamics can be revealed through learning a new activity; and for some reason, the wife apologized for every wrong move she made while learning to ski. I wanted to probe more: what makes you want to apologize for something you are not expected to show expertise in? Time on the chair lift also seems to make people "get to the point" and talk more openly as they are out in the open air. I started to see this idea take shape more tangibly and I held on. This next season brings kayaking to the picture and I look forward to the space that is created between air and water. My paddle dips in and I watch the ripples go out as the water changes forms and shades of blue with one simple stroke. There's a truth here waiting to be discovered. I breathe in the fresh breeze that is held by the warm air surrounding me. The trees start to sway and shake the leaves. The moment shares a metaphor that helps me move from an end to a beginning. 

Writing an allegory...

Enjoy chapter one of a creation!

These are tough days. These are the end days. It’s cold and dark. There’s shadows lurking in corners and, at any given moment, someone who you thought was a trusted friend or family member could turn on you. Then you’re left only to find out they‘re playing along with some kind of script just to get you to do what they want. Altruism is rare, and when it does occur, people are suspicious.

The only ones who were left from the house of Seth were Colin and I. We knew we could trust each other because we were one of the few who remained astonished at how humanity had turned. Remaining astonished was the key to survival. We weren’t trying to judge or anything; we needed a way to stay human. We needed not to give into evil. It was so easy to do. It wasn’t until one day when I met Justice. I couldn’t wait to tell Colin about it; but it took a bit of convincing…

“Can he be trusted?” Colin looked at me intently.

“ Yes, he can,” I said confidently. He’s on the inside. He knows all the information before anyone else does. 

How do you know this for sure?

Because he told me.

“And you believed him?” Colin’s voice trembled in bewilderment.

“Yeah, how could I not? He had done so much for me already. I could tell he really wanted to help me. And he did,” I said confidently and full of conviction.

“Well, what did he do? How do you know he wasn’t trying to trick you?” Colin’s green eyes looked startled yet alive. I worried he wouldn’t believe me; that he would think I had turned myself to Legion.

“He - saved my life”, I got out.

Colin drew in closer. Wait, that never happens. That’s an amazing act! We can’t speak of this in public- you must tell me the details in a place where it’s safe.

No, I want to tell everyone… But… you’re right; we need to be smart about this information. They could want to kill him and I don’t want anything to happen to him.

You mean he’s still in town?

I think so. He didn’t tell me much because he’s on a secret mission. Everything will be revealed, he assured me.

Revealed? Okay, this guy sounds like a whack job,” Colin said definitively.

I know what it looks like. No one talks like they know anything anymore. They just act in response to Legion.

Yeah, everyone is so scared of being captured they just do anything to please Legion, but they don’t realize they’re under Legion’s influence. They’re mistaking true freedom. Hmmm… (big pause) I just looked at Colin more intently now. His wide eyes revealed a thought process that I was grateful to be around. “ Justice could be up to something we could be a part of. But we must be sure. I need to be sure.  “ That’s the thing. He thinks a lot. Sometimes too much, but it helps him make up his mind. When his mind is made up, that’s it for him. He’s convinced and there’s no turning back. We agreed in that moment to prove Justice was genuine. The only problem was- where had he gone?

One phrase that kept ringing in my ear from my interaction with Justice was “I am coming back”. He kept saying it like an assurance of some kind. As if I would be worried that he wouldn’t come back. So he must be somewhere, I thought. Where did I begin to search?

I could hear our feet crunching into the snow. We were silent as we walked with no particular destination. Somewhere to talk freely? Somewhere to find Justice? Colin couldn’t wait anymore. He nudged me with the tone of his voice, the painful urgency of knowing. His eyes grew big and the green in his eyes became deeper. He needed to know. Everything. He finally blurted out, “So you never told me…how…? You know!” I stared at him blankly. I knew what he meant, but why did he need to be so secretive about it? Well, I knew why. He didn’t want to draw attention on himself. People had started to disappear. They were people who professed a faith. The one I was beginning to discover. Colin was convinced the government of Legion was taking them because whoever didn’t agree with Legion was taken out. I didn’t care anymore. I just said it. “You mean when he saved my life?”

“Shhhh!!!” Colin said with desperation. Suddenly, I felt a presence. I can’t quite describe it except it was full of peace. So I said it again in a faint whisper, but this time as if Justice were there with me. “You saved my life.” Then I sensed Justice there even more and I felt him smile. It was like my heart could see it but my eyes knew it was not directly in front of me, live. Then, like a movie, I saw Justice’s face in front of me, but I knew he wasn’t really there. And I could see him tell me, “I am in your heart, but one day you will see me like this, face to face. Just endure a bit longer”. “But I’ve endured!” I said aloud. I could feel Colin’s eyes on me as I stared down at the snow. Tears started to stream down my face with no sobbing at all; just the release of pain from over the years. I finally received an answer, but not the one I wanted or expected. “I thought you would take away the pain,” I continued in dialogue with Justice in my heart. Colin just stood there, silent. I wasn’t looking at him, I couldn’t or I would lose this connection. But I knew his mouth gaped open and he was ready to write me off as a “whack job” as well. I felt so inadequate in front of Justice, even if he wasn’t physically in front of me. I picked up my eyes to the snow-covered, white hills. “Remember,” he said, “I did take the pain. The pain you feel is not my doing. Legion has some dominion but not all. He’s on the losing side and wants to make the winning side; my side, lose as many potential points as possible. But he doesn’t see the whole picture. He can’t.  You can. I chose you. I saw you before you were created, and I had a say in how you would come to be.” I knew what the white hills meant. I am pure. I could not believe it at first. I knew I had messed up too much in my life. Yes, I endured through difficulties, but I was just “paying my way”, my right to be on this earth. “That’s not how it is,” Justice clarified.” I am Justice. You cannot be right without me. You cannot be righteous without me. “

Colin knew I was experiencing a deep encounter. He broke up the dialogue, as he saw me frozen like a statue, only hearing my side of the conversation. He could sense it wasn’t meant to be a monologue and for a moment, he was open to the idea of someone being at the other end of my voice. He asked, “Jordan, what is happening?” I turned to look at him. His green eyes were wide in that moment. “Justice is here, but we can only see him through our hearts”. Colin opened his mouth to say something but couldn’t form the words, so I continued. “Justice is more powerful than Legion”. Colin’s face soured like a lemon. “Then where has he been all this time?” he said angrily. “He’s been here; he just hasn’t separated the bad from good yet”.

“Why? Doesn’t he see our pain and misery?” Colin’s voice began to crack and I could see his anger building up.

I know, I said in a calm tone in hopes to relax his. “We gotta trust he knows more than us. He knows what he’s doing. Can we trust him?”

Colin smirked. “Well, I guess that’s the whole point, isn’t it? Can he be trusted?”

CBT, basically

 “Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious- the best; not the worst, the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not to curse…do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will wreck you into his most excellent harmonies.” Philippians 4:8-9

It IS possible to change your life by changing your thoughts. I see so many individuals in counseling who struggle with depression and anxiety due to have what Cognitive Behavioral Therapy calls, “cognitive distortions”.  These are exaggerated thoughts about yourself and how others interact with you. I like to use different ways to think of it.

Using animals, like in fables, it is clearer with which one can identify more when you have the animals exemplify a certain characteristic. Catastrophe Cat is always concerned about something- and it’s usually the end of the world. Brain-reading Bear thinks he knows what others are thinking, and it’s usually bad. Predicting Penguin Dividing Dog.

There is also an acronym, called BLUE. B stands for “blaming yourself”, L is for “looking for bad news”, U is for “unhappy guessing”, and E is for “exaggerating the facts”. These are easy to do, especially if you’ve experienced a trauma or suffer from low self esteem. The way to overcome unhelpful thoughts is to first identify it, look at it under the light of reality, understand the genesis of the thought, make sense of why it still gets to be there, and exterminate it by changing your thought to a more positive one. I created my own acronym: ILLUME: Identify, Look in Light, Understand, Make sense, and Exterminate. I will show you how in the following example.

A young lady has been involved in an abusive relationship, so she gathered a thought in that time with the man who did not honor her thoughts or body. This thought is “I am worthless”. She is blaming herself because she feels she got herself into the relationship (forgetting she got herself out of it). So, we identified the thought through a situation that occurred where she was constantly getting angry at co workers in her job because everything they did she saw it from the lens of “I am worthless”. A co worker’s suggestion to improve an area of need caused this young lady to resent it and blame herself. Then we looked at it in the light by asking herself a few questions: How true is this thought? Can everyone really agree that I am worthless? If that is true, then I need to make myself worthy. Wait, that’s impossible, we are infallible human beings. So, what choices do I have now? Accept I am worthless? This is absurd because it is bringing strife in relationships. This thought started because of her  abusive relationship, which took away time and focus from self growth onto what his needs were because she did not want to be caught in a tense moment where he would put her down or hit her. So, we made sense of this thought and changed it to what God says. God says she is “fearfully and wonderfully made”, and “I am made perfect in his sight”, so she can hold onto that truth whenever she tries to think “I am worthless”.

ASSuming

Assuming, again. Assuming that we know the person in front of whom we face. Thinking just because they did (fill in the blank) one year ago means they will do it forever. If they were once well-meaning they care to change and grow to be a better person than yesterday to one day strive to become the best person they can. We think we know each other’s experiences but we don’t bother to really know. In my experience of counseling couples, I have found one assumes he or she knows what his or her spouse is thinking or feeling. I use my sessions for them to check it out. “Ask her, “   I say.  She sheepishly looks at him, expecting an answer without having asked him. He heard her ask me, the therapist, but now she’s embarrassed to ask. I did the asking already, so now she gets the answer she avoided confronting.

Assuming we know what other people’s grief feels like. Something I have learned in my healing processes is that it is a rare few that care about what you’re actually going through. Others will avoid you. Well, it depends on how you go about it. I remember breaking my hip and my wrist in the span of 6 years, and I can tell you that only 3 people stood by me on the different occasions. In the first, was a good friend, in the second, were my parents. I realized something: people don’t really know how to respond to need. I experienced this myself, in real time, while I lived in Beirut, Lebanon; I saw the deep needs and I shrunk back, feeling overwhelmed, better off and helpless all at the same time.

Are you complaining about your life situation? Chances are, others don’t know how to help you. When you charge them with an impossible job, they didn’t sign up for, but sense it in your tone towards them as you tell your “problems”. When they give you advice, but you shoot it down because “you tried it” or “it won’t work”. I want to ask you: What are you looking for here? “I can’t be your everything” he tells her, overwhelmed.

I remember the moment, at 18 years old, when I went to my mom in tears, telling her, “I thought you were supposed to be everything to me.” I caught myself as I said it and it left my lips. “Well, I’m not,” she said plainly. I realized in that moment I needed to let go of putting pressure on my mother to meet my needs. I was entering young adulthood, and she could not support me as she used to. Perhaps this is why our culture goes away for college. It was time for me to find myself. Here it goes…

Seasons of Singleness

Lately I’ve been listening a lot to marriage podcasts. It helps me to understand marriage as a single. I recently listened to “Love and Respect” podcast, episodes #118 and 119. Emmerson describes, with his son (using theological and psychological lens), the 4 seasons of marriage: summer, the joyous time; fall and winter: the less exciting times, and spring: the renewing time. I am here to describe seasons of singleness. Summer: where we, as singles, realize being single has so much freedom and joy to it. I begin to think in this season: “Wait, I can come home at whatever time I want? I can work as much or as little as I want without being judged?” Yes, we can listen to our choice of music and be as self serving as possible. Then there’s fall: we notice the colors on the leaves, which remind us there’s good things about singleness, but we know there’s going to bare trees soon. So we “bear” it. This season of loneliness that goes into winter. And not to mention the holidays where everyone seems to be getting engaged and we are reminded of the importance of family. If you’re in your 20’s, you can enjoy your family of origin, but if you’re over 34, you realize you want to begin your own traditions with a potential spouse. Ah, yes, then comes spring. A new perspective! Maybe being single isn’t so bad after all- Maybe you’ve been on too many bad dates and you’ve seen too many marriages falling apart. The moral here? Enjoy where you're at! It's only temporary...singleness does have an end ;)

John 9

Wisdom draws at night's delight.
The night can still be full of light.
It can be a holy hour- reflection:
what will you do that won't make things worse?

Our mistakes know better- and how to make it right.
So don't lose sight.

If you want to cast blame on someone for their blindness-
then you will be ever-more accountable for your own faults.

We all fall... because the seed that falls in death
marks the spot where it finds its grip.

The seed takes hold...

Then that grip spurs into growth.

Let go of the old.

Light-

Permeate. Through.

in a dark, drab world.

There's promise in healing
the Word is heart felt
the world has felt its heart
we need Him. draw close to the Father
He makes your cause worth living.

John 10:10- Jesus says "I am the gate". He is the one that determines what goes in- or out- of our lives. Right now, in my life, He seems to be "rearranging". This means He is entering and exiting certain people on my path of life...to teach and grow me... and most of all... HEAL me. A recent friendship healed me from a shadow of the past that followed me- and which has taught me to forgive. I am free. Now I can soar...I can fly and dream and soar. Flying implies taking off. Dreaming implies taking risks. Soaring implies admiring the aerial view. I am enjoying the glimpses of the overall picture of how God makes things connect, for my good and HIS glory. He is that amazing. And he used my brother to cast vision into my life. I declared over my brother "vision caster" and I could feel and hear his smile over the phone. Yes, this is what is needed. This is what is good and right. Next chapter.

Whirlwind

The world around me... spinning...
my thoughts disperse,
my heart loses focus...
I can't believe it.
thinking-
dreaming.
my heart cries...
Thoughts of the last 10 years scroll through my mind.

Psalm 18 I open up in the book to pray
I sing out.
I take out my guitar to play
you said to sing without a doubt,
full of faith  (verse 30)
What a God! His road...stretches
straight and smooth, not curvy..
Every God-direction is road-tested.
Everyone who runs towards him...
makes it.
makes it.
makes it... MAKES IT.
I am in a whirlwind of my mind, heart and body,,. soul
falling, falling, falling...
 letting go.

Walking back

in the streets of upper east...
at 12 AM.
without at care.
with skip and jump,
I feel love fill the air;
in my throat a lump-  
God is with me as I am aware-
of His presence.
I want to love Him in song and truth...
So, I begin to dance.
Just like that.
In the streets
of lights-
In the quiet bustle -
full of musical beats.

Past and Present Collide

I caught myself smiling at the air. I was stuck in a memory. All I could think of was how much the past has changed. yes,  I wrote that right. The past has changed. But the past can't change, you say. You're right, but my perception of the past changes. 

I recently had dinner with a friend whom I hadn't seen in 10 years. It was like looking into a mirror of time. The way we thought, acted and joked then was different. The way we thought of the future, and of our hopes and dreams was different. We didn't know anything then. I'm not claiming we know any better now, but we see life differently now. We chased after our dreams upon completing a difficult and job, which transformed us. And we look back on it with thankfulness. We hold up a thankfulness torch, which ignited the path that we continued to tread, which led us to loving where we are now. The future takes on new shapes and forms as we think, experience, imagine and remember. 

Revealed

I have not posted in a while...again. So here I am, confessing what has been on my heart...again. 

I have gone through a season in which I was tempted to "give up". I questioned whether this journey with Christ is worth all the discipline and sacrifice that I needs to be applied. I felt it was easier in my "younger days" to be faithful. I needed less. I had more of Christ. I realized I needed a revelation. I needed to ignite the fire of Christ in my soul...again. How did I lose it? How did I allow it to begin to slip away? Somewhere in my travels I felt burdened by the pain and brokenness in this world. I could not understand God through all the depravity and desolation of hunger, slavery, war...although I could not deny that He is good and He does not cause suffering; I still wrestled. I was overwhelmed by the needs around me, with so little that I could actually give. The only answer I could resonate was: God HAS overcome this; and so shall we. The question remained: what is my part in all this? 

Then the revelation came: what we do in this life does not just echo in eternity. Eternity collects all the acts of love, goodness, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control and deposits it into the restored heaven and earth. It all continues as reality,  not as points towards a scoreboard. It became more meaningful to me to remember that what I am doing in the very moment to encourage someone or pray healing into their lives, is forming into a reality that lasts for eternity.

I am in a season of my life in which I am learning something profound: how to accept Jesus as the King of my heart. The King of my heart has access to every part of me. This is difficult because I'm not always aware of those things in my life that I need to let go of...but He doesn't call me to know that. He calls me to live out life while holding his hand. Heartbreak can no longer affect me. I turn to him and He clothes me with the purple robe of grace...and I can rejoice.

Moments. Recently, one morning, I was feeling so low that I couldn't get myself out of bed. I got up out of necessity. I opened my Bible, prayed. Then cried. I couldn't stop crying. What was wrong with me? I asked God, as a crawled into bed...I had worship music playing. Bethel's "Have it All" album. "Colors" was playing. I hadn't paid much attention to the music I put on until that moment. I asked God to "bring color to my life" through my tears. I didn't know what I was praying. Then I look over at my Colorado sweatshirt I usually wear only it was thrown over the back of my futon in that moment. It's all about those moments. I notice the only word that can be read from Colorado was "Color" in bold letters. I didn't notice until that moment.

The Beginning of Another Journey

I am aware that I have not written in a while. Yet, here it goes; more of my thoughts on life as I experience it.

"If you go to Jesus, he may ask of you far more than you originally planned to give, but He can give you infinitely more than you dared or hoped". (Timothy Keller, King's Cross, p. 66)
I reminded myself, as I prayed to God, that I wanted to start a private practice some day and use many other passions, interests and skills. I felt all these desires and plans develop in me, so I started to write them down. I didn't realize number one and possibly number two would be responded with so quickly. I was simply checking out the options, I was just scoping things out. Then I felt that "nudge". I had to make sure what kind of "nudge" it was. Was it my usual, prideful "I'm going to show myself and everyone I can do this!" However, that one is usually followed by fear because I know I can't fool anyone, not even myself. It was a nudge that told me "this is the way, walk in it". I knew it would be a risk. I knew I didn't have to go through with it, but I knew it fit; and it would require all of me and all of my trust in Jesus. Yet, I had this exciting assurance that it would be worth the risk.

Observations as I drive through Beirut...

the woman talking to the two men behind the barbed wire- the men hanging around together at the manouche shop, while the ladies with covered heads shopped for their next meals. Dirty, crowded roads with the beat if bustle on the street. The inviting quick-slow coffee break to talk about anything and everything that comes to mind.

Men with men. "Habibi" - meaning I care about you and how you're doing, including your presence in my life.  I get anxious at the wheel. I want to arrive, but I don't.

I decide to do what I should have done yesterday when I got lost in a familiar place. Pray.

Depositing truth where I tread.

Holy Spirit flowing through...

New Leaves

Don't be afraid of forming new leaves. 
It's a chance at something new, something green
New life emerges from the dead of winter- 
All that was dark and sinister...
What you put off is now made new
Jesus Christ lives in you. 
Rejoice! Be glad! 
There's nothing left from which to hold back! 
Sometimes the growth part hurts- 
Because life is forming and then it bursts-
And just overnight, 
You're given new sight!
A new perspective, a new you!
That's something that can't be done on your own
No matter what you do.
So, enjoy life, carry on
For He who carried you, carries your burden too.
You who are soft spoken will be heard 
and those that are loud won't be seen as absurd.
It's a new day, a new life, you know
And He who holds you will NEVER let go.

Ode to trials- with Jesus!

Time is passing.
I know this because I have new memories and I am beginning to reminisce the old ones.
I am learning new things about life and discovering realities that are hard to accept.
And the more I grow, the more thankful I am I have Jesus.
Words cannot express how thankful I am to have a Savior
a consistent teacher
and comforter
who knows me
and seeks for me to know Him.
He seeks the best for me and understands my desires.
He can read into how I feel and perfectly why,
even when I don't.
When I feel scared, anxious, or nervous.
He clothes me in comfort in those times and expects nothing less.
I hear His voice and I am able to understand it.
He rejoices in my gladness and fives me joy and laughter
throught trials.
And so I dance.

Lebanon snowglobe

My Lebanon snow globe with a cedar in the middle. It's fun to touch and fiddle.
In my therapy sessions, the children marvel at how the snow falls, it has a soothing visual;
I thought it was common for it to be intriguing...and I was glad about the new addition to my shelf.
Yet, I was struck by the little girl who was coming out of a session from across the hall, and spotted the globe from a far. She didn't hesitate to ask if she could see the globe up close; I agreed and she gave it a good shake.

The snow began to fall, and she was in awe. I realized: the tickling take was more than the snow globe's value. It's more than a memory frozen in a statue-
It's a connection from past to present; my 2 heart loves that meet to represent: the life I felt I lost, but it really lives; with the life I once had to trade...
Both lives of passion and compassion
Didn't actually disappear or fade
There, they linger, together
In a link
Right before me in a simple shake...And as quick as...
a blink
I'm not in fact giving up but living up-
To my call
Where compassion gives way in a session
Hearts are healed...
And encouraged.
My significance and purpose since my first breath. It's recognizable and familiar because it is the pulse that beats inside of me.
It's permission to be.
It encompasses
My all
Part of my identity
A call
Ah, I can breathe again- out a sigh
Of relief
As I get up and repeat
"Let the heart compass direct, lives to intersect,
And the snow to fall".

I was thinking recently about when my parents came to visit me in Lebanon last November. We decided to visit the Quedesha Valley, since it had many points of interest, such as the poet's house, Gibran Khalil Gibran. We got up the mountain towards Becharre a bit late, it was getting to be dusk. We began to see snow and a deep cloud enveloped us, causing us to see less through the dark of what was ahead. I knew the path. I had been there that August. My parents got nervous. Their questions started out from a place of impatience: When will we arrive to the hotel? ...and turned into a more concerned plea to turn around: Are you sure there is a hotel? We don't believe you. Do you really know where we are? I kept insisting I knew where we were and there would be a hotel appearing soon. Even in the dark and smog, I was certain of where we were. I wasn't going to let them give up, because I knew we were so close. Suddenly, after trying to ignore their constant pleas and questions, we turned a corner and the road began to straighten and we could see buildings approaching soon. I pointed to the hotel that would provide a sense of comfort in an unknown place. They began to relax and they understood I was right.
I began to think about how much I do this with God. There are multiple times in which I doubt if He's leading me in the right direction, but He knows where I am and where I want to go. He's telling me, "It's coming! Just trust me! I know it doesn't seem like it now, but it's there, just wait."