Outside. Always on the outside. Watching out, from within.

I’m used to it by now. I grew up in a country not my own, I went back to visit a country “supposed to be my own”, and I never lived in the place I am accepted as “one of them”. Notice these are pseudo places that need quotations in order to be real. Good thing I am not really from this world. I know my citizenship exists elsewhere. It’s a heavenly citizenship. But that doesn’t mean life is easy.

From the moment I started going to school, I was marked as “dark” and “foreign”. I went back to the place where my parents have their families, and I was considered “the one from abroad”, in other words: not one of them. So I’d keep quiet…and watch. Now it’s part of who I am. I want to listen, I want to watch. I am watching and listening.

I tend to seek out opportunities that make me different from everyone else. It thrills me to see differences in people- and those differences interacting with one another! If it’s not the difference of my appearance, then it’s my funny accent. I can’t help it: I live in a new country. I am a stranger, I do things differently. I walk differently, dress differently, think differently.  Now I am being watched. I am outside. I want to participate with them: I am learning the language, I am studying the culture. And as I do, I wonder what is in store for me then. How can these experiences help me to serve the One who holds my heart and truly values my life? He knows me and lives inside of me. I want to show that on the outside.

Hoy pensé en las caminatas por Buenos Aires mientras caminaba por Beirut. Las calles no se parecen pero el sentimiento de familiaridad cuelga como la luna en la media noche. El sol también regala su brillo de atardecer en la manera que las calles se convierten en oro y se glorifica el espejo de la ventana que da su reflejo para que brilla la calle; para olvidar de la suicidad y las problemas del ser humano…

Empiezo a pensar interioramente, haciendo un respiro de la gente.

Por las calles angostas no me siento encerrada.

Camino libremente en un país mitad musulmán con bombas en todo rincones que no comparten el tiempo o motivo de su explosión. Explosión de generosidad o gentileza, cuando vendrás? Porque tanto odio y violencia? Se necesita el reflejo de la ventana para mostrar el destruyo y que pueden ver, ellos de la oscuridad, que hay una vida para vivir. Vale la pena esta vida. O vale la pena esta vida? Somos tan frágiles; como dependemos en el amor de nuestros padres, en la cultivación de la tierra, y en el caliento del sol.

 

Sometimes we can find encouragement from nature...

To be or not to be:content in every situation...

...That is the question...
I am learning a lot about this lately, because there are many things in the past month that could make me angry at God for allowing. Even small things such as stress, or too much to do, not enough time...but God uses everything for His good and His glory. I am a witness to this. He is either preparing us in our situation for something else, testing us to make us like Him, or simply blessing us to depend more on Him! So, whatever it is, I will rejoice in all circumstances because He is working out His eternal purposes in me! ~inspired by Jer. 31:3, Psalm 34:8, and Phil. 4:12.

Just a thought

It's interesting: the more I find myself bush-whacking through this path of life, the more I find that Jesus is right beside me, not too far away from the narrow road. And when it appears, the way to follow Him seems much more clear; and even though I spent all this energy going through the difficult, highly weeded "non-path", Jesus takes out the weeds and I can see the path again, the one I take with Him...

On language learning (PART 1):

I find when learning a new language, one must pass through phases in which to learn. Let me explain. Phase 1- trying to grasp the sounds and pronunciation, while trying to remember simple greetings.  In addition, when pronouncing and listening, it feels like you’re babbling like a child; and you have no reading skills yet. You are eager to learn everything you can, which is nearly impossible, but you feel like you can do anything; and staying positive helps you get through this “awkward phase” of not being conversational enough to use the language in order to practice it.

Phase 2- you’ve now mastered trying to remember “hello”, you learned the alphabet, so you can soundi out constants, and you know most of the important tenses-the rules at least!

Phase 3- you begin to read, which you do so ever so slowly, which makes you ashamed to admit you can read because then you will be called upon to read aloud…you are sounding out EVERYTHING! You neglect to congratulate yourself in this small milestone of beginning to read signs/advertisements, because you realize just how massive this language is and if you will ever become fluent!

Phase 4- You have finally mastered greeting and small-talk and you feel so far from talking about politics, philosophy…the important conversations you want to touch on (instead of the usual weather and food topics!), and you think you should be farther along by now…but you’re improving without realizing it and not giving yourself much credit; people either encourage or discourage you at this point. Don’t let them!

Power of Prayer

It's amazing how God works in us to bring His will on earth, something Jesus encouraged us to pray (see Lord's Prayer). Lately, He has showed me this through praying for Syria. I allowed Him to lead me to pray for not only peace, but for the U.S. President would be given "a way out" from having to strike Syria in an act of violence (only God can have justice- how can we take revenge and justice into our own hands, using violence and war?)...and God granted this by having the Russian President seek to speak to Obama about collecting the chemical weapons from Syria. I prayed this the night/morning of when this decision was brought about. This tells me some incredible things about God: 1. He shows us how to pray, 2. He involves us in His will through prayer, 3. He humbles us by our dependence on Him to take control of what we have no control over. The Master is at work, and He is good.