Outside. Always on the outside. Watching out, from within.

I’m used to it by now. I grew up in a country not my own, I went back to visit a country “supposed to be my own”, and I never lived in the place I am accepted as “one of them”. Notice these are pseudo places that need quotations in order to be real. Good thing I am not really from this world. I know my citizenship exists elsewhere. It’s a heavenly citizenship. But that doesn’t mean life is easy.

From the moment I started going to school, I was marked as “dark” and “foreign”. I went back to the place where my parents have their families, and I was considered “the one from abroad”, in other words: not one of them. So I’d keep quiet…and watch. Now it’s part of who I am. I want to listen, I want to watch. I am watching and listening.

I tend to seek out opportunities that make me different from everyone else. It thrills me to see differences in people- and those differences interacting with one another! If it’s not the difference of my appearance, then it’s my funny accent. I can’t help it: I live in a new country. I am a stranger, I do things differently. I walk differently, dress differently, think differently.  Now I am being watched. I am outside. I want to participate with them: I am learning the language, I am studying the culture. And as I do, I wonder what is in store for me then. How can these experiences help me to serve the One who holds my heart and truly values my life? He knows me and lives inside of me. I want to show that on the outside.