Learning lately...

So, as God woke me in the middle of the night last night (9/27), He let me know as I sat in silence for a bit until I finally told Him: "Speak to me Lord, your servant is listening!" And He said "GRACE". Then a verse, "My grace is sufficient for you and made perfect in weakness". Yes! I rejoice that I am weak!!! Praise God!

September Update!

I am currently finding hope in moving along in this process of raising funds! I recently met with Black Rock Church, the body in which I grew up in faith of Jesus as my Savior! As I work at Wheeler clinic, I find I am continually being filled by Jesus' presence and guidance. It's becoming more real to me how I live to be poured out (as a fragrant offering) and I depend on His grace to be filled again. And it's an overwhelming reality to receive such unmerited favor in that process. It is such a privilege to be used my Him and my prayer is that I would desire and run after Him MORE! Thank you for your prayers!

Prayer of Faith

Lord, help me to be directed by your love. Let you will be my will so I may be guided by your right hand. I trust when I fall, you hold me fast. Your love is strong and I know it will last. I cannot understand enough of your ways, but I know I have sinned for I am fragile and human. But I seek to be like you.
Help meto be bold like Paul, faithful like Abraham...so I can do your work without embarassment or fear. I need you near...and you are.
Help me not to lose faith in you no matter what happens, even if I should lose material possessions. Or status or a job. I pray to remember your goodness in my life.
Remember your people, your promise, for you are good, My King of Kings...

The Aroma

The aroma of honey melting over rainy leaves are characteristic of the unknown flower smell- then see. it's bulbs hang daintily to kiss the ground. The yellow cascade of flowers like a wall in front of me; and just above the luminescent, glorious sunset that formed its blue clouds through the streams of orange and pink sky as in colorful stripes. The end of another day as toads croak and birds chirp. A chorus of sounds all around...it is true peacefulness and I am purely me. Raw and exposed to the world, not perfect but in process. Jesus leading the way and I am following. We journey together because it's not about the destination.
God wants to lead me through narrow, unbeaten paths. We both know where we will end up, only He knows how and I must depend
as
He guides.
No looking back or to the sides- just forward.
With boldness
Not as a coward.
He has a plan: I am a member of a chosen race, a royal Priesthood, a holy nation, a person of God's own possession- 1 Peter 2:9-10...
He will not let me go- yet I will not arrive as I think.

The Things We Lost

I look at you differently now.
as you look back at me...I force a smile and already I feel better.
things I have lost are only past,
I am no longer restricted by it, I am still
-and still running.
Running, for I am free...
I see you- and I laugh
no one saw what we went through.
You got through-
to me.
now with me.
You guide me because You are for me.
I love You, for You are my Creator.
the sunset relieves me;
I can whisper my hurts to the ocean-
Suddenly the stars fit into place;
I felt I was risking what I didn't have
but peace floats over in an over-flow,
perfuming with incense.
I become an offering.
I don't know anything, but it is more clear
than ever now-
I may be blind, but I keep seeing color...
I may be going through a jungle of weeds-
HE will just have to hedge a clear path for me...
No,I am not lost
                 nor have I a thing that is lost.

The words

The words "I surrender all to you"
are the hardest to follow through.
I feel fragile, as if I am made up of sand
but the world has treated me as if I were to be rock.
I need more water- I drink thee,
I swim in your pool of eternal life and love...
I hear my voice in the distance,
a name that calls me out-
I look back and see I am in the clouds.
I don't want to come back,
I want to dissolve with the sky.
I want to float and let out my cries
with a sigh.
How did I get up so high?
Why does the world look so small?
I feel God's power.
I feel I can overcome.
Okay, I will come back and join earth-
just for now.

Dreams

I am there among the floating feeling of my dreams.
I foat instead of walk.
I hold lavender in my hands.
I smell the fragance as if I am unlocked from the reality life
that I left once asleep-
I feel serene and safe,
reaching out and touching,
not just the lingering out in air
I don't talk or say a word,
I am with I AM.