What I’ve been learning (October, 2014)

 

1.     Humility in my identity. When I first arrived to Lebanon, I was stripped of everything that defined me.  I was someone who took “pride “in knowing three languages fluently (almost four): English, Spanish, Italian and French. In fact, I was treated as if I were invaluable when I applied for jobs, because of the growing need for Spanish speakers in my field. My field of “expertise”, which I began to do well and with ease, was Marriage and Family Therapy. It was there that I was exposed to a variety of people with situations in which I could help guide them through. Now, in Lebanon, I taught English (yes, a language much desired), and my knowledge of other languages did not seem to matter anymore. I would be forever labeled as “foreign”, even if I perfected Arabic, in which I was a long way away from accomplishing.

Through this experience, I learned my status or identity is not in what I do or what I’ve done, or even what I am good at or not good at. I was able to stop comparing myself to others and be myself. After all, God says He loves me no matter what. He created me, and wants to be with me. I am His child and He loves me. This is enough.

2.     How to honor myself without being selfish. My mom used to tell me, “You treat yourself like you are a rag on the floor”. I always disagreed. How could she possibly say that? I thought. I saw myself as “helping” and “serving”, yet I could not figure out why I was constantly busy. Yes, serving others at my expense made me “feel good” or at least “needed”, but the price was very high to pay. Then, I went to Lebanon, where I needed to be a “missionary” and report on ministries I am “doing”, which should sound “important” on paper. I soon found nothing I did seemed important enough until I took a step back to just dwell with Jesus. To dwell in reading the Bible and worship Him.

What happened to help me learn these things? Well, I crashed. I went to the darkest place and came out of it, experiencing a new light. I read in a devotional: “God blesses us to draw us closer to Him”…